I have the "luck" of working very near to one of the most densely populated locations in North America - - Times Square, Manhattan NY. That's right home of New Year's Eve itself! The spot where the ball drops. Unfortunately, this means 24 hours a day 365 days a year, in the city that never sleeps you will find one of the most feared species on the island....tourists!
Please, O Crowders of the Sidewalk, understand that this is a fast-paced environment not for the faint of heart. So please keep these few pointers in mind when touring NY:
1) Don't walk side by side across the entire sidewalk moving at a snail's pace. This is not The Wizard Of Oz and you are not on the Yellow Brick Road!
2) Stay to the right! Its how you drive...its how we walk. Cross the crack at your own risk!
3) Yes...escalators do double as stairs. We don't stand still on them. No, it doesn't matter that there are stairs right next to the escalator. When in doubt see #2. You're on vacation, we are not.
4) Pay attention here because this brings us to the our game...do NOT stop dead in your tracks to take pictures of anything (its just a neon sign), anyone (no that isn't someone famous), yourself , a cop (they don't have cops in other towns?), or anything else. KEEP IT MOVING!
Now for you tourists who refuse to heed my advice please be on the lookout for me because as of today I will be playing a new game I made up..."Pin The Tail On The Tourist."
It's a simple game. All you need is a tourist breaking any of the above rules and a tail. the tourist is easy to find and the tail even easier because it's yours! Whenever a tourist stops dead in font of you, is walking slow, taking pictures of the homeless, or any other such nonsense, simply make your way ahead of them and stop. DEAD STOP! Making sure to give your buttocks a little wiggle as they collide with your rear end. You have now successfully pinned a tail on a tourist! Guaranteed to be hours of fun! For variations on the game try eating anything gassy beforehand and passing gas on them as well! I have also seen a variant I like to call "Pin The Pickle On The Tourist", but be warned you may run into some trouble with that one. Happy hunting! Tourists watch your backs! (and your fronts)
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OMG... You are stupid! ROFL! You should be ashamed of yourself. Leave the poor tourist alone. Some people never get out the house... So of course for them to see a corner store on every block and some sneakers hanging from a power line is going to be fascinating. Walk around!
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