IT'S A DATE!!

I was talking to a friend today who was telling me about her hesitation about going on a first date. Not just any first date…a blind first date. Now for the anti-social amongst us - this does not mean that her date wears dark sunglasses and uses a cane or a Seeing Eye dog to get around. A blind date is a first date with someone that you have never met or interacted with before the date. Usually it’s someone else a “friend” who will call you and exclaim joyfully “I met the perfect guy/girl for you!” has found. Now traditionally in my experience this person is far from perfect for ME, but is most often perfect for the person who fixed you up, but that’s another blog for another day….

So I’ve done some thinking and I’ve come up with some information that someone may find helpful. My personal short lists of Do’s and Don’ts for the ladies and the fellas on a first date, blind or otherwise taken directly from my personal experience (meaning my personal male point-of-view). So some of these may not apply to you, but I think they are general enough that they probably hold true for most. As always if you have any suggestions/opinions to add let me know (use the comment link directly below the entry…I mean you’re here you might as well lazy). Keep in mind I am an American so if you’re not in America your culture may have a different set of rules, but I don’t date there so get your own blog… : - )

Guy Do’s

1) Be polite (it was a good meal but she wont appreciate it like grandma does when you let out that loud burp and pick your teeth with your fingernail)
2) Be a gentleman (contrary to what seems to be popular belief among the younger generations holding a door for a woman wont compromise your sexuality)
3) Be attentive (I understand Applebee’s puts the football game on during your date, but if you want a second one make more eye contact with her than you do with Brett Favre)
4) Talk less…listen more (odds are she likes to talk once you get her going and pay attention! Actually remembering something she says will go a long way later on)
5) Bathe (if you need me to elaborate on this one…click the “X” in the top right corner…turn off your computer…and be very afraid cause your hope is all but lost)
6) Have an interest/opinion on something non-sports/video game related (there’s more to life than Sportscenter and Xbox360)

Guy Don’ts

1) Don’t share with her your allergy to water (the obvious next question is how did you shower?), sheep saliva (this is irrelevant unless your first date is at a petting zoo), or anything else that my come across as “weird”. You want her to be comfortable. Leave some mystery for the 2nd date.
2) Don’t make your first date at a petting zoo
3) Don’t continuously stare at your thumb and mumble “I bet it will fit…I just gotta get her to hold still”
4) Don’t ask her how much she paid for (or where she bought) any of the following:
-hair
-eyes
-nose
-boobs
-etc… (you get the picture here…if she bought it…its hers)


5) Yes, the waitress is VERY cute, but she’s not your date…focus man! (do your sightseeing on your own time)
6) If it itches don’t scratch it (excuse yourself to the bathroom dummy)

Ladies Do’s

1) Have any opinion/interests (if we wanted to talk to ourselves we could have done that at home with the Xbox)
2) Have an interest in something other than your shoes, your hair, and which celebrity is dating which (we really don’t care who Paris Hiltons new BFF is)
3) Offer to help with the check (we’re not going to let you, but it’s nice to know you CAN if you have to. Let us know you aren’t just a tag-a-long goldigger)
4) Allow us to be gentleman (pause at the door…give us a chance to do it right….or wrong)
5) Don’t assume a bad time as soon as you see us (I don’t have proof, but I know you ladies do this! Give us a chance to make it a bad time)
6) Let us know if you think you could be falling in love with us and think we would have the most beautiful children together (this is a “do” because we need to know if you are a psycho nut …the sooner the better…)

Ladies Don’ts

1) Keep us waiting forever (we understand your need to make an entrance, but take too long and we’ll be at Applebee’s watching the football game with the cute waitress)
2) Drink like a fish/Eat like a lumberjack (at least PRETEND your interested in something other than the free food and drink)
3) Don’t assume he likes the taste of your hair as much as you do. (if you need to restyle, comb, brush, etc.. take it to the bathroom we don’t want it in our plate)
4) If it itches please don’t scratch it in front of us (wherever we are probably has a bathroom..take your meds BEFORE you come out)
5) Don’t at anytime utter the phrase “ my -ex boyfriends name here- use to do the same thing, wear the same thing, smell the same way, etc…if he was so great what are you doing here?)
6) Make us think we are going to be in a threesome with you and your text messaging (Carla/Debbie/Susan/whomever’s life isn’t REALLY gonna fall apart in the hour or two that we’re out…you can text and call all you want after we’re gone)

Their Grrrrrrrreat!

I recently have been thinking about what makes a person great. I’ve always wanted to be great at something, at anything, at everything (not necessarily in that order). I realized that I hadn’t given any thought to how I would know if I ever achieved “greatness” because I wasn’t sure what the definition of greatness is. Then as I began to ask people for their definitions of greatness I realized that opinions are like elbows (I’ve cleaned that up a little for those of you saying hey that’s not how the saying goes)…most people have one.

So, here is my stab at my definition/opinion of greatness:

Greatness should be measured by the quality of the life you lead not solely quantifiable measures. At first read that statement may appear to be one of convenience for those who have nothing to quantify, but please don’t let your tunnel vision hinder you from absorbing the concept. Some say that you are born with greatness. I believe we are all born with the capacity for greatness. However, I submit that greatness is something that you become and not something inherent. Greatness is in the lives you touch and the positive effect you have on those lives. It’s the reflection of your soul and spirit and how that which is on the inside is reflected on the outside. Greatness is the purity of the love you share and your capacity to be loved. Greatness lies in your dedication and your commitment. It lies in your words and your deeds…in your honesty with others and yourself. Greatness is in the grace with which you carry yourself. In being strong and knowing and acknowledging your weaknesses.

Greatness infers being first, being the best. We should all pursue being the best in life, but let’s start with being the best and first in love. Let us start with being the first and best at moral excellence. Let us start with being the first and best at generosity. Let us pursue something greater than the expansion of our bank accounts, or the size of houses, or the numbers of vehicles in our driveways. Greatness goes beyond our fitness for an episode of Cribs. Let us allow quality rather than quantity to guide us in our decisions and to shape our lives. Let us constantly and consistently pursue improvement in all things physical, mental, and spiritual…accepting the necessary struggle and extending our vision to the finish line and not narrowly focus on the ground immediately ahead.

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." 
 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

U.S.A...U.S.A...U.S.A....

As you all know…I love lists. So today I was told that MTV now has a show called “MTV’s Top Pop Group”. Causing me to think that in our world today talent means nothing. All you need is enough votes on a “reality” show/contest and you’re in there like swimwear (that means it’s all good youngsters)! Americas Next Top Model, America’s Best Dance Crew, America’s Got Talent, American Idol , So You Think You Can Dance, and the list goes on and on and on. You don’t have to be the best just those votes in!

So I was thinking about some of the great Americans out there that have been overlooked and who’s talents (or lack thereof) are being wasted simply for lack of an opportunity to showcase their talents. So let’s shine the light on these great Americans and give them their shot at fame, glory and riches! So MTV, Fox, VH1, and all the rest...if you’re out there and you’re reading this (and I know you are) here are my top 7 suggestions for contests for us regular people to give us our shot at being the next biggest thing:


1) America’s Best Dirty Water Dog – For the men and women who brave the elements to bring us undercooked and over dirty hot dogs year round. Have water will travel!
2) Americas Best Sweatshop – Who can make a Sneaker the fastest and for the lowest pay per hour? It could be you!
3) America’s Next Top Nail Salon – who doesn’t love little Asian women running around talking real fast?
4) America’s Next Top Spreadsheet – This is for all you cubicle dwellers. Bring you’re “A” game! Two words…Pivot Table…’nuff said
5) America’s Got Tastelessness – If you’re over 50 and you own anything animal print or Hawaiian print…its your time to shine!
6) America’s Got Roadkill – For those unsung (and mostly unseen...I haven’t ever seen them...have you?) heroes who remove the skunks, deer, raccoons, and various other creatures from our nations road shoulders (this one is courtesy of Captain Lips)
7) So You think You Can Wax a Back – A lost art, temporarily revived by a 40 Year Old Virgin, but since fallen off the map yet again. O Masters of the Waxy Arts…here’s your chance at greatness!

Miracles Do Happen…But Stupidity Happens More Often

It seems at times that the long days just get longer. At times it seems as if God has a sense of humor and tries out all his new material on me.

But this morning I thought that had all changed. Finally God had decided to strike a balance.

As many of you know I have terrible eyesight. I have been wearing glasses since I was very young and am very near blind without them. This morning I did not simply bear witness to a miracle…I BECAME a miracle. This morning I woke up with my sight. I went to the bathroom, as is my normal ritual, looked in the mirror and saw myself…clearly. No glasses, yet I could see perfectly!! My heart soared with joy that finally God had smiled on me. A real, true, sincere smile. Not the usual suspicious grin that He wears knowing the punchline to a joke that I haven’t been told yet. All of my waiting for my miracle and here it was literally looking at me in the face!

Unfortunately, after this brief moment of walking around my house and looking around at everything, looking out the window and feeling for the first time that I was actually “seeing” a sunrise…something happened. Something awful happened. My eyes began to get dry and began irritating me. I blinked and blinked and blinked hoping the irritation would go away, but the more I blinked the worse it became.

Then it happened…

My right contact fell out. And just as quickly as it had come…so went my miracle. Apparently I had fallen asleep with my contacts in. I am very vigilant about removing my contacts before I go to sleep at night and putting on my glasses and if you had asked me I would have sworn that’s exactly what I did last night. Guess not.

Now if you are very very quiet and you listen reeeeaaaaaal close….you can hear God giggling…

Bye Bye Bye...

Well my good people…the Summer is almost over, sad but true. We ate a lot, we did some swimming, got a tan at the beach (for those of you who didn’t come with one already built in), and generally enjoyed some good times under the Sun. However, have no fear my fellow lovers of the UV ray, thanks to Global Warming the Summer is sure to last well into October! (let’s hear it for pollution!)

So as we mourn the loss of Summer let me share with you a few things we can all look forward to with the coming cold:

1) The electric bill will be lower because you can finally turn off the AC!
2) The food bill will be lower because you no longer feel obligated to have a BBQ to feed 50 of your “closest” friends every other weekend!
3) You won’t have to spend as much on gas because you no longer feel compelled to take unnecessary trips just because “it’s nice out”.
4) Ladies…you can go back to eating real food because you have at least 7 months before you have to fit back into that swimsuit.
5) People that should have been covered up all Summer (you know who you are) will now be covered up out of necessity until at least May.
6) You can save on water because you no longer feel motivated to wash your car, take care of your lawn, or water your flowers. (however, some of these savings will be offset by actually having to bathe your children. You can no longer take them to the pool and let them rinse off in the chlorine)
7) Fellas…we can go back to setting the thermostat juuuuust cold enough so that our lady friend will want to cuddle ;-) (let’s try to keep that lil’ tip between us shall we?)

Try and make the best of what’s left of the soon to be good-old-days. I know I will!