The internet, the world’s dumping ground of knowledge both useful and useless. Full of everything from scientific studies to the latest Dilbert strip. Both the useful and useless can be given equal time and space with a freedom unseen before DARPA got lazy (don’t know where the internet came from? Google it! You’re on it everyday…learn something about it). On our jaunt this week we came upon some weird (but completely true) news. We’ve compiled our top 5 here for your entertainment…and of course with some Guerilla commentary thrown in for good measure!
However, in September, a federal jury in Baltimore rejected the claim by a 64-year-old West Virginia man that a Frederick, Md., surgeon had stapled his rectum shut during an operation. The jury accepted the doctor's explanation that it was the man's longtime, heavy smoking that caused his rectum to become swollen and shut for 17 days. [Daily Record (Baltimore), 9-29-08]
However, in September, a federal jury in Baltimore rejected the claim by a 64-year-old West Virginia man that a Frederick, Md., surgeon had stapled his rectum shut during an operation. The jury accepted the doctor's explanation that it was the man's longtime, heavy smoking that caused his rectum to become swollen and shut for 17 days. [Daily Record (Baltimore), 9-29-08]
Guerilla: Now that’s $h!tty…17 days! We bet he wishes he hadn’t had that Taco Bell on day 2! Now for you smoker’s…let this be fair warning: stop now or suffer a swollen colon! You’ve been warned!
Officer Keith Breiner, suspended from the police force in Beaumont, Texas, for crossing the line during an undercover prostitution sting (that is, he actually had sex), defended himself in an August hearing: "It was a job, sir. I didn't have pleasure doing it." It was, he said, "something I did for the city." [Beaumont Enterprise, 8-21-08]
Guerilla: All we get are spreadsheets that look like a 2-year-old’s art project that he colored with his eyes closed, in the dark, during an eclipse…some guys have all the luck (or we filled out the wrong applications)!
Dutch designer Eric Klarenbeek, 29, has developed jewelry consisting of tiny crystals or flowers that hang directly from the eye via micro-thin medical wire attached to either prescription or blank contact lenses and, in the light, give the appearance of tears streaming down the cheek. He expects to hit the market soon, according to an October report in London's Daily Mail, at a price of the equivalent of around $325. Though the adornments appear to be painful or dangerous, Klarenbeek said users of his prototypes so far have been "amazed" at their comfort. [Daily Mail, 10-3-08]
Guerilla: We cry enough real tears watching our stock prices fall and our 401k’s dry up not to mention the constant rejection from the new hottie in the mailroom that keeps telling us to “put a ring on it” (damn you Beyonce if your legs weren’t so long and …we digress). Point is we don’t need to fake it…
Jocelyn Wildenstein has reportedly spent $4,000,000 (£2,000,000) on cosmetic surgery over the years. If proof were needed that money can't buy everything, look no further.
Rich divorcee Jocelyn Wildenstein spent a rumored £2million on cosmetic surgery to keep her husband, but succeeded only in ruining the good looks she was born with.
. [Daily Mail, 02-20-08]
Guerilla: See the picture at the top. Need we say more? No? Well we will anyway…a quick three things you could have spent $2,000,000 on instead of making yourself look like the stunt double for the beast from Beauty and The Beast (where obviously some of the stunts went wrong):
1. 1,990,000 McDonald’s Cheeseburgers from the Dollar menu to feed your entire neighborhood at Thanksgiving
2. Both dugouts, 1st, 2nd, 3rd, home base, and 2,128 seats from the old Shea Stadium
3. 666,667 cans of coke from our office vending machine and 1,000,000 packets of Pop Rocks from a dollar store to test the urban myth and see if you can make your stomach explode
Akira Hino, 51, was arrested in Tokyo in September and charged with stealing a woman's underpants, using a fishing rod to reach a laundry pole on an apartment balcony. Police found more than 500 women's undies in his apartment. [Agence France-Presse, 9-30-08]
Guerilla: And to think we have been spending good money on dinners, movies, etc to build our collection when all we really needed was a quick trip to the fishin’ store…hindsight is 20/20 and all that though I guess…
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